Tuesday, September 6, 2011

First Challenge of the Third Writing Campaign

The first challenge of the Third Writing Platform-Building Campaign is to write a flash fiction story in 200 words or less, with the opening words: The door swung open.  Here's mine in exactly 200 words.

Shadow Curse

The door swung open. An evil, dark form filled the doorway. “May I come in?”

Lisa motioned for him to enter.

The putrid stench of the filthy demon filled my lungs when I sucked in a deep breath. I tried to shout a warning, but the words caught in my throat.

Patches of scraggly black hair stuck out of the rotting flesh that covered his body. Scabs flaked off and fell to the floor as he walked to the center of the room. His blood filled eyes held me with a piercing glare.

“Lisa.” I reached for her. “Go in the bathroom and lock the door.”

“What’s wrong?” She grabbed my hand.

“Don’t you know who that is?”

“Yes.” Her tone contained only a hint of concern. “I know who he is.”

“Get out of here, Lisa.”

“No. You get out.” The demon’s voice boomed in my ears. His gnarled, bony hand wrapped around Lisa’s arm. His other back–handed me across the face.

The force of the blow lifted me from the floor and flung me against the wall. My body crumpled onto the rug. Blackness crept into the edges of my vision.

“Brendon!” Lisa’s screams filled the air.

26 comments:

Deana said...

Oh man that demon totally grossed me out! Great job:)

Ms Saba (aka Teacher007.5) said...

Very vivid! I could picture it all just like watching a movie! Well done!

Bonnie Rae said...

Ohhh mysterious and evil at the same time! Loved it!

Marilyn Yarbrough said...

Thanks for the encouragement. Shadow Curse is the 2nd in my Shadow series. The first book in the series, Shadow Keeper is already published.

Sonia Lal said...

Poor Brendon! Interesting flash! I like the description.

Marilyn Yarbrough said...

Thanks, Sonia. Glad you like it.

AllMyPosts said...

Hmmm!!

Kind of interesting!!

with warm regards
Another Author

Bill Jones, Jr. said...

Very nice use of descriptors. Good work.

Marilyn Yarbrough said...

Thanks, guys. Glad you liked it.

Tara said...

Wow, great description through this!

Why was Lisa so calm about it...until the end? Intriguing.

Marilyn Yarbrough said...

Thanks, Tara. Lisa is calm because the demon has taken over the body of a person she knows, but she doesn't know he's possessed; only Brendon knows.

kmckendry said...

Yikes that sounds spooky! Great piece I can really picture the freaky demon!

Marilyn Yarbrough said...

I love your reactions. I wanted to spook people out with the demon, so I guess I accomplished my goal.

David Powers King said...

Whoa! What the demon! I quite enjoyed this bit of writing. Excellent picture you set up.

Great job, Marilyn! :)

Marilyn said...

Thanks, David. I wish I could've used another 200 words to set it up more.

bridgetstraub.com said...

I want to know more about the relationship between the three of them. interesting though. mine is#72

Marilyn said...

Sorry, Bridget, but you'll have to wait another couple months for Shadow Curse to be published. Then you can see the relationship with the three of them.

Brenda Sills said...

Great twist! It totally caught me off guard that Lisa thought the demon was a normal person. And what an intensely creepy description of the demon - great job, friend!

P.S. Brendon BETTER be okay. You hear me Marilyn?!!! Blast it- now you've got me caring and it just a few words!

Marilyn said...

Don't worry, Brendon and Lisa will live--they have to since they are the main characters in the 3rd and final book of my Shadow series.
P.S. Glad you liked it, Brenda.

Crystal Collier said...

And? AND?! *squinty eyes* Grr...

Natasha Hanova said...

Great use of smell and sound. Nice and dark snippet.

Marilyn said...

Thanks. I like when people want more. And I always try to engage all the senses with my writing.

Chris Eboch said...

I like the excerpt from Shadow Keeper as well. Good spooky stuff! Thanks for stopping by my blog on the Campaign trail. (Write Like a Pro! at http://chriseboch.blogspot.com/)

Marilyn said...

Thanks, Chris. Glad you like it.

N.Scott said...

Well done! Very vivid...and gross I might add.

Stobby

Marilyn said...

Thanks, N.Scott. I didn't mean to gross you out--wait a minute, yes I did.